


Sadly, Sadly, the Sun Rose

by claryherondale



Category: The Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angel Blood, Book 1: Clockwork Angel, Book 2: Clockwork Prince, Book 3: Clockwork Princess, Demon Blood, England (Country), F/M, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Herongraystairs, London, Loss of Virginity, Love, M/M, Magnus Bane Is A Freewheeling Bisexual, Multi, One Shot, Oral Sex, Parabatai, Parabatai Feels, Polyamory, Sad, Sex, Shadowhunters - Freeform, Smut, Threesome, Threesome - F/M/M, Tragedy, Victorian, Virginity, Wessa, heronstairs, jessa - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 11:40:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10696269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/claryherondale/pseuds/claryherondale
Summary: "Most people are lucky to have even one great love in their life. You have found two."The hour hand of the clock caught behind her rib cage was being stolen by the phases of the moon passing over the Thames. Tessa couldn't stay silent any longer. She was desperate for her angelic boys: one with hair of moonlight, the other with hair of midnight. She knew that Will and Jem would leave her devastated, but these few hours at the dark start of a new day would mark her eternally with the memory of their love.





	Sadly, Sadly, the Sun Rose

**Author's Note:**

> pretty much all smut with a bit of sad fluff. polyamory.
> 
> *title is a snippet of a quote from the book (A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens) which The Infernal Devices is very loosely based upon

Tessa stood before the boys, her boys, in the pale light of the moon. They were contrasting beside one another: the silver of Jem’s hair, the midnight of Will’s. Tessa’s heart was fluttering like her clockwork angel had dissolved into her skin, behind her ribs, and had come to life. She was quiet, but she feigned the confidence she had learned from Will. They were silent as well. Will’s lips were parted just barely, the light filtering in through the windows picking up on the slight glint on his supple mouth, whereas Jem’s lips were kept together, pale as ice, although Tessa would bet her life that they were warm.

Tessa wanted to keep the upper hand for a few fractured seconds longer, strung out over their world stitched with shadows, so she stayed standing in front of them. It was late, but they were all more awake than it seemed they had ever been—their eyes were full of the stars dotting the navy blue sky, shimmering and hot like the fire of celestial bodies.

She looked at the two of them, so devastatingly beautiful, so devastatingly belonging to each other, so devastatingly belonging to  _ her _ . Tessa’s gaze stuck like glue upon Will. She needed to ask the question that had been scorching her mind for such a long time. It had seemed since she met him that there was a blatant answer, but now . . . she wasn’t so sure.

“Will.” Tessa whispered his name, cutting through him just as one of his seraph blades might arch through the ichor of a demon.

“Yes, Tess?” he asked, his voice softer than it normally was.

“I need you to not put on your witty, sarcastic exterior for a minute.”

Will’s lips, pale pink in the dimness, quirked up in a half-smile. “For you, I suppose.”

“Without any skirting around the answer, without any lies or diverting: are you a virgin?” Tessa questioned gently.

Jem’s silver eyes came up to hers as well. There wasn’t even an ounce of confusion, not a trace of,  _ how could you not know the answer to that?  _ Tessa knew that it was because he wasn’t actually sure, either. His  _ parabatai _ wouldn’t have told him the truth if he had asked otherwise in any other situation. He would have simply responded with a crude remark of insinuation.

Will was completely silent for a moment, but he met Tessa’s eyes steadily. Jem gently reached out and rested his lean hand on his  _ parabatai _ ’s clothed thigh encouragingly. 

Will took a quiet breath of air and admitted, “Yes.”

The shock of that was dulled by the inkling both Tessa and Jem had that much of the front Will put up was fake, meant to protect them and himself. Will looked vulnerable just then—not weak, but exposed.

He regained a bit of his cocky demeanor and murmured, “But I promise you that I would know exactly what I was doing if I were given the opportunity.” He quieted slightly, his confidence dropping. “If . . . if that is what you’re offering here.”

Roses of heat blossomed on Tessa’s milky cheeks. However, it was. That was exactly the pretense that had gotten them here. It had been slow-building tension between the three of them, slight touches that were almost conspicuous enough that one might believe they were unintentional. Almost. She had brought it up with Jem first, as she trusted Jem more to be sensitive with the subject initially. After a breakdown of their nervous barriers and a few nights of heavy, frantic kissing with minimal touching, Tessa convinced him to bring it up with Will. And while Will believed it to be a ruse at first, he gradually realized that it wasn’t and lapsed into silence. He asked if the three of them could meet together in Tessa’s room after the Institute was quiet, and Jem relayed the message to her. And so, that was where they were. In Tessa’s bedroom, quite inappropriately late in the night, with Will and Jem sitting at the edge of the bed at Tessa’s urging. She just couldn’t have them standing before her, as strong and consuming as they were, while she was trying to discuss this with them.

“It is,” Tessa said, determined to remain as unfazed as she could. “Will, I want you,” she quietly confessed. She had never quite been one for dominance herself, but the situation demanded it from her—at least at first. The pair of  _ parabatai  _ were far too respectful of her and in general to make first moves in this fragility. “I want Jem.” Tessa dared to speak the next words aloud, quite simply: “And I know you want each other.”

She hadn’t been sure what to expect, but she was met with nearly no response at all. They were both silent.

She continued, “Shadowhunter culture is different from the mundane one in which I was raised. You’ve taught me that. Us half-angels—we tend to die young, don’t we? So, we’re not expected to wait until marriage. Forgive me, as I’m an anomaly. But this is true, is it not?”

“Yes,” Jem confirmed.

Will got up from where he was sitting suddenly, abruptly taking Tessa into his arms. All of the oxygen left Tessa’s lungs in an abrupt gasp, but it wasn’t unwelcome. Her heart pulsed madly along her collarbones and across her cheekbones, as though she was bleeding pink internally.

“You swear to the Angel, Tess?” asked Will. “That you want me? That you want us?”

“Yes,” she breathed.

Jem had lithely and quietly gotten up as well; he was standing beside them now, reaching his hand out to trace along the small of Tessa’s back. “And you swear that you will stop us, should you change your mind about wanting either of us at any point, or if we go too far?”

Tessa nodded and said, “Yes. But you must swear to the Angel that both of you will do the same, and that this is what you want as well.”

“I swear to the Angel,” Jem said resolutely as Will murmured, “I swear. I’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life.”

With that resolution, Will knotted his fingers in Tessa’s hair and kissed her. It was soft at first, lips of silk exploring one another, and then it turned into desperation, into  _ need _ . Tessa reached out to Jem as Will’s tongue gently discovered her mouth and hers did the same in return. It rapidly came to be an entrancing sort of kiss, and yet, Tessa still had it within herself to hook her fingers into the hem of Jem’s pants. She pulled him closer to them and moved her lips from Will’s to Jem’s. Will dropped to the curve of her neck, suckling at the skin there sensually. The passionate friction between her and Jem hastily escalated.

She was right: Jem’s lips were warm, and though he kissed differently than Will did, it was the same in the feeling it elicited from Tessa. She parted from both of them after a moment and looked into Jem’s liquid silver eyes. She would have traded her life for his, in a heartbeat. If she could make herself prey to the  _ yin fen  _ that was in his veins, she would have. And she knew the same was true of Will. But she didn’t mention that. Instead, she read the emotion in his eyes—the love there, the reverence.

“And, Jem? You’re a virgin just as Will and I are?” Tessa asked gently.

Jem nodded. “You know that I haven’t found much interest in romantic or sexual encounters in a life so short . . . before you, that is.”

“Aside from Will, I’m assuming,” she ventured carefully. Jem’s pallor was flushed just slightly by her words. Still, he didn’t disagree. “But  _ parabatai  _ are forbidden from falling in love.”

“Not from sharing a bed, however,” Will commented.

Jem met his eyes, a burning gaze shared between them. “Although it is not recommended.”

How had the three of them fallen so madly and desperately in love with one another? How had the golden blood in their veins translated into stars so helplessly crossed? And that was why they needed to be together for as long as they could. Because they knew that it wouldn’t last long before they were torn away from each other. Tessa’s entire body ached at the thought. She didn’t think she could live without either of them, and she knew they felt the same. The clock was racing against them; seconds broke around them like sand in an hourglass, counting out the limited time they had together. But just for a moment, it seemed to stop. They were suspended in existence—the three of them, together, there.

“To hell with the Clave,” said Tessa. “They want a hybrid such as me dead. They don’t care for me, so why should I care for them? I care for the two of you. All I want is you.”

They were fighting against forces much more powerful than them—against everyone in the Enclave, against  _ yin fen _ , against death and time and everything between. And while Will and Jem had trained as warriors their entire lives, and while they were absolutely exceptional, it was too much even for them.

Tessa continued, “I’m yours. Both of yours. And I want you so badly.”

As unladylike as it was, it was truer than anything she had ever said, and she no longer cared. Not with the grayness of the time expanding before them. She would have given her life for this moment shared between them. It would have been a small sacrifice. She didn’t care about being proper or respectable or anything that a young Victorian lady should be. Not anymore.

Jem surprised Tessa in the best way by kissing her again, his lips tender but also dominating hers. She gasped against his mouth as Will continued to run his tongue along her neck, gently beginning to unlace her dress. It was a lighter evening gown, but still involved a bit of effort to remove. Tessa was shivering all over. She parted from Jem’s kiss after a moment, knowing that she would have to be the one to take the first steps before they would accept most of the control. Tessa looked at Jem as his eyes locked on her, so reverent and full of something beyond admiration.

She dared to ask, “Have you ever kissed one another?”

Will stopped kissing her neck and exchanged a glance with Jem. Now wasn’t a time to be coy or ashamed. Will cleared his throat and decided it was best to speak the truth, finally, to someone.

“Once,” he admitted. “A year or so ago, after I pinned him during training. We haven’t spoken of it since. Because I . . . liked it too much.”

“I liked it too much as well,” Jem added quietly. “I couldn’t make myself bring it up. Especially when there was nothing we could do about it.”

The tension between them was palpable, the desire.

Tessa murmured, “Well, now there is.”

The prompting was minimal, but they didn’t need much at all. Will found Jem’s lips, their mouths meeting over Tessa’s shoulder. She watched as they kissed just as fervently as they had kissed her, with sharp desperation and longing. Tessa loved these boys. They loved her. And they loved each other. Will made a strained gasping sound in the back of his throat as Jem’s tongue moved against his own, and he reached out to Tessa as well, running his hand down along the soft but stark curve of her waist. Jem did the same to her other side; even with closed eyes, the  _ parabatai  _ knew how to work in synchronicity. It was like a sensual battle between the three of them, but they were all simultaneously working with and against one another.

Their hands on her gave Tessa the confidence to reach up to Will’s shirt. She began undoing the buttons, her fingers not quite as nimble as she wanted them to be. Jem helped her, starting at the bottom of Will’s shirt, whereas Tessa had started at the top. Their hands met in the middle as Jem parted the shirt across Will’s skin, and he entwined their fingers over the taut muscles of Will’s abdomen. Jem parted himself from Will’s lips and went straight to Tessa’s, although they all remained quite entangled together.

Tessa removed her hand from Jem’s so she could undo his shirt as well. Will shifted away from them, and Tessa parted from Jem’s kiss to see what he was doing. Will removed his shirt completely, dropping it to the floor of her bedroom as he exposed the curling, black marks along his skin and the slight tracing of fine, white scars. Tessa felt the breath catch in her throat. He was beautiful. She quickly undid the rest of Jem’s shirt and pushed it off of his shoulders, letting it slide to the floor as well.

_ By the Angel,  _ Tessa thought in awe. Then:  _ How am I possibly going to be able to compare to either of them? _ They looked like angels under the moonlight—scarred, devastatingly alluring angels.

Will went and sprawled himself along the canopy bed after gracefully removing his socks and shoes. Jem did the same before leading Tessa to the bed as well. She was grateful for his guidance, because she didn’t think she could possibly remove herself from where she was standing in utter awe of them, not of her own volition. Her bed was more than big enough to accommodate the three of them—the perks of living in the London Institute, she supposed.

Tessa got on the bed beside Will and marvelled at his uncovered skin silently. She reached up and traced her fingers along the  _ parabatai  _ rune permanently etched over his heart. Even if the power of it were to fail Will and Jem, Tessa knew that it could never be broken. Their very beings were woven together irreversibly. Will’s muscles went taut beneath her featherlight touch as Jem languidly rested on the bed beside her.

“You locked the door, right, Tess?” Will asked quietly, ensuring that there was nothing to worry about or basics left to take care of before he lost himself to the feeling of her fingertips.

“Yes,” she breathed.

His response wasn’t words; instead, he leaned into Tessa and kissed her intently. Her body reacted to him in ways she wasn’t used to as she wound her long, lean leg over one of his. 

He grasped at her thigh as he leaned away from her for a moment so he could whisper, “Jem?”

Will didn’t need to do anything more than that; they could have an entire conversation in just a word, just a connection of their eyes, just a gesture in a room filled with people, a simple shift or movement. They were attuned to one another as though they could read the other’s thoughts. At first, Tessa had believed it was something that came with the  _ parabatai  _ bond. And while that strengthened it, there was more to it: a link that bound them before they had even known one another. The red string of fate holding them upright together.

Jem’s fingers went down along Tessa’s spine, a burst of trembles across each notch he touched through fabric as he unlaced her gown. When he had undone all of the ties, Jem hesitated. Tessa couldn’t see his eyes, but he knew they were locked on Will’s, another silent communication.

“Tess?” Will murmured. “Are you sure you’re alright with this?”

“Yes,” she whispered urgently, ignoring her trepidation at them viewing her naked body. She was saved momentarily by the knowledge that she still had a slip on beneath her dress, and it would take them an extra moment to remove that—although it was regretful that she had removed her corset before putting on her evening gown. She hadn’t been thinking this far ahead. “I told you: I will stop you if it’s too much. I want this.”

Will looked away from her and to Jem on her other side, who kissed Tessa’s shoulders as he gently uncovered them, pulling the fabric down her body. Tessa helped him with it, shifting her hips and legs to get the material entirely away from her. The slip she was wearing was thinner than she pleased now under their gazes, clinging to her shape.

“May the Angel forgive me,” Will groaned with a smirk at the sight of her.

“I promise this won’t be why the Angel doesn’t forgive you, William,” Jem teased him.

“James,” Will playfully chastised before once again claiming his lips.

The three of them had been so tensed and repressed against one another; the unleashing of this was akin to the first breath after nearly drowning—desperate, frantic, a restoration of smothered life. Jem’s hands went along Tessa’s slight back, while Will’s fingers began tracing circles along the skin right above her knee. As giving as a breath of life was, it also was quite the contradictory deprivation of oxygen.

When they stopped kissing momentarily, their mouths hot and swollen with the intensity of their kiss, Tessa took the opportunity to shift between them. She faced Jem and ran her fingers down along his porcelain skin, tensing his indentation of muscles that she skirted by. Tessa went to his belt and undid it rather quickly, pulling it away from him and tossing it off the side of the bed. Jem’s eyes were dilated with lust, the pupils nearly swallowing the silver of his irises. She unbuttoned the front of Jem’s pants and very slowly slid her hand beneath the hem.

Tessa had only her own insecurity as a barrier between either of them. But her desire outweighed her lack of self-certainty. Her fingers went lower, still separated from Jem by a layer of thin fabric, and felt his hardened length. Jem let out a low, desperate gasp at Tessa’s touch. It encouraged her to use a slight bit more pressure against him, running her hand along his pulsating shaft.

“ _ Tessa _ ,” he groaned, his eyes already alive with euphoria.

“Tess, are you torturing my dear  _ parabatai _ ?” Will asked teasingly. “I may have to torture you right back. All’s fair.”

Tessa was undeniably turned on by the thought of Will using his hands against her the way she was using them against Jem. Although, just as Jem, she wanted more. Much more. She took her hand away from Jem before Will could do anything, and at her prodding, Jem helped her get his pants completely off.

She swallowed back her nerves and self-doubt as she moved out from between them, rolling over onto Jem so that she was straddling his nearly-naked body. Tessa’s legs were on either side of him, and though he couldn’t see it, he could definitely feel her pressing down on his length with the thin fabric of their underwear keeping them apart. Jem strained against her, almost unwittingly, and groaned as Tessa just barely shifted her hips. It was doing quite irresistible things to her as well, and she tilted her head back slightly as she felt his length graze her sheathed skin. Will was behind her in an instant, his legs spread over Jem’s just as Tessa’s were, as he wrapped his arms around her. His hands pressed against her and trailed lower as she leaned her head back to rest on his shoulder, her back arching in ecstasy. Will’s fingers went between her and Jem, so that he was simultaneously touching both of them in the most intimate way, spiking through their sensitivity. 

“How about we get the rest of your clothes off, Tess?” Will whispered against her skin.

She bit her lip hard, her self-consciousness racing through her and coloring the image of their potential reactions to her entirely naked body. Jem sat up, so that they were on either side of her, his shifting movements pushing Will’s hand against her and making her moan quietly.

Jem’s fingers went up one of her thighs that was around his hips, beginning to gently push up some of the thin fabric. “Tessa?”

His tone was soft and kind; it seemed he could sense that she was slightly hesitant, although he didn’t know why. She owed them an explanation. This wasn’t going to work without communication, no matter how shameful it might be for her to say it aloud to them.

“I—I’m not as beautiful as either of you,” she said quietly, heating rising to paint her cheekbones. “I haven’t trained my entire life, nor do I have the precision or languidity that you both have. I’m just not anything compared to you, and I’m worried about you seeing that in an undeniable way, with me completely exposed. Either of you could find a woman to share a bed with that is far more beautiful than me.”

Jem’s hand came up to trace along her neck and gently cup her cheek. She met his eyes, hers filled with embarrassment, and saw nothing but tenderness there. 

“Tessa, how could you possibly believe that about yourself?” he murmured in quiet, although not condescending, disbelief. “You are quite literally the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes upon.” He looked at Will, who normally would have made a snarky comment, and smiled. “No offense, Will.”

“None taken,” he responded. “I agree wholeheartedly.”

Jem found her eyes again. “We don’t have to go any further if you don’t want to. We can take all of the time you need to feel comfortable with us.”

But she was comfortable with them. She trusted Will and Jem with every single part of her, and that didn’t exclude this. At Jem’s words, she knew that it really was just her getting caught up in her modest mind, wherein the ideals of a mundane society that preached proprietary and abstinence made her believe she could never be worth Will and Jem’s affections. But that wasn’t because of them. They had never done anything to make her believe her own negative thoughts.

“No,” Tessa whispered. “I trust you both with all of me. I’ll undress as soon as Will removes his pants.”

Will’s hands went to his belt with urgency; he undid it rapidly and then pulled his pants off, discarding them on the floor beside Jem’s and her evening gown. Tessa was breathing unevenly, her eyes wandering along his muscled, pale body, covered in runes that spoke of power not unlike that which he held even without a  _ stele _ . Will had moved from behind her on his  _ parabatai _ ’s legs to beside her and Jem.

She turned her attention back to Jem and urged him on with her eyes. Will’s hand ran up the skin of her thigh that was already exposed as Jem went to uncover more, his fingers meeting the hem of Tessa’s slip. Jem was breathing raggedly; they all were. Achingly slowly, he began pulling the fabric up her body. It glided up over the tops of her thighs, exposing her underwear, and then her stomach. Despite herself, Tessa smiled just slightly when she felt Jem harden even more against her. She kept her eyes trained on Jem, who was watching the unveiling of every inch of her, although she was well aware that Will was staring at her with eyes blown wide with desire as well. Jem hesitated very momentarily as he got the slip up over her ribs, but Tessa nodded at his unspoken question.

He continued, moving the rest of the slip completely off of her. Jem’s breath caught in his throat, and Tessa surprised herself with how turned on she was by his reaction to her. She looked to Will who was exploring her body with his eyes, his lips parted slightly; she could see him inhaling raggedly.

“Tess . . .” Will whispered, his voice heart-wrenchingly weak.

“Everything about you,” Jem continued for them both, although his words were a strain of quiet just as Will’s were, “is perfect. I don’t know how we ever doubted that you had the blood of an angel.”

Tessa smiled and teasingly murmured, “I can show you, if you’d like. Why you all thought my demon blood might overpower everything else about me.”

They both were restraining themselves quite intensely; everything about them was taut and wound. She wanted to release them from their self-imposed binds. She didn’t wait for a response from either of them. Instead, she crawled down Jem’s body slightly, pushing him back.

“Will?” she murmured. “Can you do something for me?”

“Anything,” he said.

“Hold Jem’s arms over his head,” Tessa told him.

Will didn’t question it, and neither did Jem, for that matter. Will moved up to the headboard and pulled Jem’s arms up, resting them against the pillows with his hands clasping Jem’s wrists. Jem was laying flat against the bed, at their mercy. Tessa leaned down and ran her tongue along the curvature of Jem’s muscles, prominent on his abdomen. His hips were strong and lean, and her fingers dug into his skin as he arched desperately against her lips.

“Still, Jem,” she murmured softly.

She knelt with her legs on either side of one of Jem’s, and she looked up at Will as she stroked Jem through his underwear. He was so tense, every part of his body knotted with tension. Tessa slowly pulled the rest of the fabric away from Jem’s skin, exposing his hard length to her. Her breath caught in her throat; everything about him was beautiful and strong, speaking to her in this moment with eroticism and desire. She glanced at Will again, seeing how hard his erection was straining against his thin underwear, and then met Jem’s eyes. It was a glance full of invaluable silver, and Tessa hesitated for just a moment—but not because she didn’t want him or want  _ this _ .

“Is this alright, Jem?” she said quietly, her voice scraping her throat just barely, as she could hardly speak.

“More than alright,” he responded. 

His tone was rough with lust, and Tessa took the knowledge of his willingness and arousal in with the leap of her heart. She leaned farther into Jem’s body, gently wrapping her slight fingers around the base of his length. Everything Tessa had learned about sex had come from Jessamine, but she had been extensive enough as she knew that Tessa was uneducated in the matter, and Tessa’s primitive desire partnered with the knowledge to lead her with instinct. She was aware of what to do well enough. She moved her hand up and down Jem’s length. He was breathing harshly, and every part of him was tensed.

“Relax, Jem,” whispered Tessa.

And then she took the head of his throbbing length into her mouth, gently shifting her tongue against his tip. Jem gasped lowly and began straining against Will, who kept restraining him securely.

“ _ Tessa— _ ” Jem groaned.

She took him into her mouth slightly farther, deepening the range of pleasure. She continued to use her tongue against his impressive length, which was too large to get completely in her mouth. Still, Tessa tried. She eased him in more, until she could feel him against the back of her throat. Jem was a hot, flustering mess of moans under Tessa’s control, aching and desperate for her to continue, but also desperate for her to stop as flashes of nearly unbearable pleasure wracked his body.

Tessa took him almost completely out of her mouth before taking him back in. He was writhing beneath her touch and Will’s grip around his wrists, but neither of them would go easy on him. Jem desperately threw his head back against the pillows, tousling his silver hair as he bit his lip hard. He uncharacteristically cursed under his breath as Tessa took him to the back of her throat again, and it made her heart sing that she could give him such ecstasy. After a moment, Tessa stopped, giving Jem a last tightening of pressure around his tip as she removed her lips from his length.

Jem’s pale skin was inked pink with the hotness of pleasure and lust, so beautiful—a torment of undeniable desire. Tessa sat up and looked at Will, who looked on the edge of breaking as his hands were gripping Jem’s wrists with the tenseness of restraint that he was imposing more on himself. They both were so devastatingly beautiful—blue eyes, silver eyes, dilated with lust. Tessa shifted up Jem’s body, pausing momentarily to graze him against her intimately before leaning her chest against his. She kissed him languidly, their tongues dancing and battling in a torrent. She closed her eyes as their mouths spoke in a wordless language: ineffable sentiments that they were able to comprehend in this moment of lips and tongues. She parted from him and turned her attention to Will after a second. He looked at her warily, not trusting himself to remain intact at her slightest touch.

Jem managed a breathless laugh. “It’s your turn, William.”

Will looked to his  _ parabatai  _ with sharp, blue eyes, and reminded him, “I still have you in my grip, James.”

He leaned into Jem and kissed him bruisingly. They were gasping into one another’s mouths, and Will decided to playfully torment Jem further than Tessa already had. He released one of Jem’s arms, but he didn’t allow his  _ parabatai  _ any freedom. Will held both of his wrists more loosely in one of his hands. He moved his strong, lean fingers down along Jem’s body, his muscled chest and abdomen, and gripped the base of Jem’s painfully hard length.

Jem cursed loudly, arching his body in pleasure as Will brushed his thumb across his tip. It was undeniably arousing to Tessa and Will both—watching the way Jem was reacting to and straining against the pressure of their touches, as he couldn’t handle the escalating pleasure that was aching to crest over him. Tessa took it upon herself to lean into Will’s body, already so close to her own, and kiss him with stark pressure. He continued to run one hand over Jem’s length as his lips lost all tentative, well-thought skill against Tessa’s, reverting to instinctive tenderness that was so much better than the calculation. Will and Jem kissed differently, felt differently beneath her touch, but they touched Tessa’s heart with wings of gold all the same, biting into her veins with the intensity of emotions that she didn’t know how to understand well enough. That she wouldn’t  _ allow  _ herself to understand well enough. Because she knew she was going to lose them. 

Tessa dropped her hands to Will’s underwear and released his length from them. She parted from his lips to look at him, exposed to her and Jem. He was just as beautiful as Jem was, covered in the contrast between midnight black and snow pale. The couple of them were shadowed angels. Devastating. Leaving permanent marks like their runes scrawled in beautiful patterns across her heart.

She began kissing him again, and Will let her take control of the contact of their mouths as her fingers gripped the base of his cock. She ran her hand up and down his length, her touch still featherlight, and he was already trembling beneath her. Will quickly helped her remove his underwear completely. He was gasping quietly into Tessa’s mouth, desperate for more of her. Desperate for her in general.

Will moved away from her kiss to ask, without a hint of sarcastic or smug defense in his eyes, “Which of us do you want first?”

Tessa hadn’t even thought of that. Fortunately for her, Jem spoke before she could.

“You should go with Will first, Tessa,” he requested. “I don’t think I’d be able to last very long if you were to start with me.”

Will looked to her, uncoiling his fingers from where they held Jem. He was looking for consent—true, unpressured consent. And although Tessa had already given it to both of them, their consideration of her just spoke more of the way they honestly respected her beyond proprietary, as all pretense of that had been forsaken. And how they . . . loved her. Tessa met Will’s blue gaze, which washed over her entire body like a downpour of rain during a drought. She smiled a little and nodded.

“If you’re alright with that, Will,” she murmured.

He laughed lightly. “I couldn’t say no if I tried, Tess.”

With her verbalized consent, Will let go of Jem’s wrists and put his arms around Tessa, languidly shifting them so that he was on top of her. He was swift and graceful, just as he was in battle—a fluid series of movements that Tessa hadn’t quite realized would translate into physical love, although she should have known. She supposed she probably hadn’t thought that far ahead. All she knew was that she wanted Will and Jem, and nothing else mattered. The physical act was a product of their intimacy; Tessa hadn’t wanted to ruin that with the nervous confliction of not knowing every detail, even if she knew most of it from Jessamine’s explicit recounts of her own experiences. She hadn’t wanted to ruin it with making it calculated or setting out a plan for them. She wanted it to just be her and them. No expectations. No lacerations against their skin that hadn’t been marked there before. Before one another. Tessa knew they would both break her heart, but not tonight. Not as Will’s body pressed against hers with strength that wasn’t smothering, resting between her legs as he kissed along her throat.

She knew she already had bruises blossoming with outreached petals along her skin, and she would be mindful of them in the morning. But not now. There was no need to care now. And Will and Jem could make theirs vanish with an  _ iratze  _ in the morning, although something told Tessa that they would opt for just covering them.

Will slowly crawled down Tessa’s body, the way she had done to Jem, kissing down along her chest—a straight line to her stomach. He skipped over some of her skin to go to her inner thigh. Tessa was so responsive to the touch of his soft lips against her that she was almost worried that she would come apart at the seams in his grasp. And yet, the thrill of it overpowered the concern at the unraveling of her limbs. Will’s mouth traveled up farther, and he hesitated at the crease of her thigh for only a second, allowing her time to prepare for his next move. She felt his tongue run along her clit gently and gasped loudly, reflexively moving her hands to knot in his black hair. He looked up into her eyes, once again ensuring that consent was still there.

“More, Will,” Tessa pleaded.

Will looked slightly smug at her reaction to him and teasingly said, “Ask me nicely, Tess.”

“ _ Please,  _ Will.  _ Please _ .”

He went back to her clit, and her fingers tangled even more tightly into his hair. She moaned as Jem, who was still recovering his breath, gracefully shifted closer to them. He kissed Tessa lightly but sensually, playing with her tongue ever so temptingly. As Will ran his tongue down along her, Jem took the supple skin of her chest into his mouth. The dual of pleasure that she had never truly experienced before was almost painful in how magnificent it was. Will gently ran one of his fingers along her entrance, and Tessa arched her hips against him. He began slowly pressing into her, opening her up to him with the tip of one of his fingers. He was careful to not go too quickly or be too harsh, as he knew well that she had never done this to herself before. It was so incredibly arousing for all three of them—especially when Tessa moaned as Will’s finger began filling her more and more, until it was in her completely. It seemed Will was having trouble breathing.

“Another?” Will asked Tessa, his words ragged against her inner thigh.

“Yes,” she gasped.

Will went slowly enough that her body was able to adjust to the feeling of his fingers inside her and there was only a miniscule bit of soreness as she stretched open for him. But even that was far overshadowed by how good and right it felt. 

Jem continued to kiss all over her upper body, shifting up to her ear and murmuring, “By the Angel, Tessa. You’re so exquisite.”

Her body had a physical reaction to his words, just as Will began sliding his fingers in and out of her. She bit her lip, overwhelmed by the sensations, especially as Will’s tongue went back to her clit. He stopped after a moment and crawled slightly back up her abdomen, until he was level with Jem. Will looked at his  _ parabatai  _ with a gleam in his eyes.

“Would you like a taste, James?” he said, his voice crafted of silk.

Jem didn’t bother with a verbal answer; he leaned into Will and kissed him harshly, tasting Tessa on his lips. Jem cursed in Mandarin as Will parted from him, obviously straining against himself from asking Tessa to take him first. Instead, he went back to running his tongue along her chest, erotically grazing her with his teeth. Tessa could hardly keep herself together.

Will eased Jem up and kissed him once again, softly this time, and then settled into a slightly more serious tone—cognition returning very fleetingly. “Tess, I’ve learned a lot from all of my trips to brothels and the like—”

“I thought you were a virgin,” she interrupted.

“I am, but I have to come back perfumed in the scent of sex and debauchery to reinforce how despicable I am with some subtle evidence,” said Will, his words buried beneath a joking tone.

And yet, Tessa and Jem knew that there was the shattered essence of him hidden there: they could see in this moment, just barely, the fissures and heart-wrenching cracks in Will.

Jem leaned down to his  _ parabatai _ ’s shoulder, not giving him pity, as he knew how much Will would despise that. Instead, he granted him with affection—something which Jem knew Will ached for constantly but never allowed himself to reach out and receive. Jem kissed down along his  _ parabatai _ ’s sharp shoulder, suckling at his skin and pressing his lips against his bones and muscle. He went far beneath the flesh in his mouth’s touch. Will could hardly keep his eyes open, but he was determined to not entirely lose himself to these sensations. Not yet.

“What were you going to say?” Tessa questioned after a moment.

The sound of her soft voice melted like satin over his body. He loved her. Tessa could see it in his eyes, and it made her heart ache, its fingers reaching out from her chest to pull him closer.

“Oh,” said Will distantly. “Right. From what I’ve learned, a female losing her virginity may be a bit painful. Which is why it would likely be better for you to be on top, so you can control the pace and stop if you need to.”

Tessa smirked a bit, and she could see it caught Will a bit off guard. He had been preparing for her to change her mind now. He had been preparing to wake from the last dream of his soul with a start and a sob at the fiction of his subconscious. But this was real. Not a touch of fantasy. He was already awake, with Tessa and Jem. And she wasn’t going to push him off of her and tell him to leave. He could actually allow himself to realize that this was happening and that it wasn’t going to be stripped away from him like the sunlight every evening from the sky.

“Move under me, then,” she commanded gently.

Tessa helped Will guide her on top of him. He remained upright against the pillows on her canopy bed, against the backboard, while she straddled him. Their hearts were in their throats, and she knew Jem’s was escalated with theirs. Tessa gestured for her silver-haired angel boy to come closer to them, and he took her outstretched hand willingly. She kissed him briefly. Her lips were tender from the pressure of theirs, but it was a lovely kind of tenderness.

“Stay close to us, Jem,” she requested of him.

He nodded, seeming unable to speak. She brushed her lips across the back of his hand before letting go of his grip so she could run her hand down along Will’s chest. She curled her fingers around the base of his length, throbbing and hard against her touch, and guided him to her. The tip of his cock grazed against her entrance, and Tessa’s entire body tensed in eager anticipation. Will was breathing hard, looking at her eyes with his stormy intensity.

“Tess, I—” he started.

Tessa couldn’t bear to hear it, not right now. It would fracture her irreparably. Not even Raziel would be able to mend her. Although she had the inkling that there wasn’t much hope for her salvation in any scenarios that would play out between the three of them.

“I know, Will. I know,” she said quietly.

And he didn’t need to say anything more, because he knew too.

Tessa lowered herself more onto Will, gasping as he continued to fill her so pleasurably. She got him completely inside her, resting now as close to him as she could possibly get. Will wouldn’t make her move before she was ready, but he couldn’t stop himself from digging his fingers deeply into Tessa’s hips with shallow, quick breaths. There was slight soreness at him opening her and sliding him so far in, but it wasn’t much—and nothing at all in comparison to the euphoria she felt in every inch of her. And she was part-angel, part-demon: her body was quite resilient. Her demon was of the Eidolon sort. Her angel was of the human sort. It really wasn’t enough to make her so much as halt for more than a couple of seconds.

“Jem,” Tessa murmured.

He was still beside her, watching with eyes blown not from  _ yin fen _ , but from lust.

He cleared his throat quietly and responded, “Yes?”

“Kneel over Will’s legs behind me and see if you can help me make Will cum. He seems to find our reactions arousing. So, elicit some. If you’d like.”

Jem was more than happy to oblige. He lithely rested just behind Tessa, so that they were on either side of her, Jem’s muscled chest against her back and Will’s pressing into her own. Jem kissed the nape of Tessa’s neck softly, brushing her dark hair over her shoulder, while his  _ parabatai  _ went to her lips. Never exhausted or bored by any of their contact, they stayed like that for a moment, a tangle of tongues as Will remained deep inside her.

Tessa parted after a handful of seconds that she shared with her angelic boys, and she slowly began moving her hips. She could feel Jem’s length pressed into the small of her back as she shifted herself, pulling herself almost completely off of Will before fluidly pushing herself back down onto him. He gave soft, sexy groans as she leaned her head back against Jem’s shoulder in insurmountable pleasure. Jem’s silver hair brushed against her flushed cheekbones as she arched her back into him and she continued writhing against Will. Both of the  _ parabatai  _ were as close to her as they could be. Tessa started off slowly and deeply, moving her hips so that Will went as far into her as was possible. He gasped quietly into her skin as he leaned down slightly to run his lips along her collarbones. She felt his erratic breathing etching words into her body that would be lost in translation if she were to try to speak them. He cursed in Welsh as Tessa moved almost completely off of him and brought him back in again.

Jem’s fingers slowly trailed down her body as she continued to grind her hips into Will’s. He started along her shoulder and drew constellations along her, leading to her chest. He teased at her silky, perking skin. The clockwork angel rested below the curve of her collarbones, and Jem took a moment to appraise it gently—the ticking warmth somehow unlike heat.  

He made a pathway down her abdomen and to her clit, which he rubbed in a precise pattern that correlated in static unison as Will began moving his hips up to meet hers. It evoked loud moans from Tessa. They moved in sync:  _ parabatai  _ with or without swords in their hands. The pleasure was escalating quickly in Tessa as she moved on top of Will faster and he thrusted into her just the right way, with Jem’s fingers rubbing her quickly. She leaned her head forward onto Will’s shoulder, and Jem followed the curve of her back. The  _ parabatai _ continued just as fervently as they kissed each other over Tessa’s shoulder before dropping their lips to her neck and jaw. 

Tessa cursed under her breath and desperately gasped, “You’re going to make me cum.”

She sucked at the flesh of Will’s throat as she reached her arms out behind her and wound her fingers in Jem’s moonlight hair. Will shifted one hand up to grope at her chest and used the other on her hip to help stabilize and keep himself grounded as he continually thrusted into her, giving her not an ounce of reprieve as she moved against him as well.

Will was groaning deep in his throat, louder as Tessa neared orgasm and her walls began fluttering around his length. She clenched even tighter around him, and he moaned her name quite desperately. None of them stopped, and the waves of Will’s blue eyes pulled her in and pushed her back out until the riptide took her beneath its surface. She skipped the pain of drowning altogether and went straight to the euphoria incomparable to anything that wasn’t to come before death. The crest poured over her and extended to every one of her limbs; she had never felt as good as she did in that moment. She rode out her orgasm; the contractions of her walls, fluttering around him like an angel’s wings, seemed to have gotten Will much closer to finishing as well. Jem released her when he knew her orgasm was through for now and that it was Will’s turn.

Tessa shifted them and pressed Will down against the bed, so he was flat on his back with his head against the pillows. 

She leaned down so that her chest was against his and murmured against his ear, “Let me do the work.”

He grasped at her waist desperately as she ground her hips up and down on his cock so eager for release. Will groaned euphorically, which spurred Tessa on more and aroused her further. Her oversensitivity that came with orgasming quickly dissipated and she was moving him in and out of her quickly, her hands reaching up to the backboard so she could have better leverage.

“Will—” Jem said, knowing his  _ parabatai  _ was close.

“What, Jem?” asked Will, his words nearly nonexistent as his breath was so limited.

“Do you think you should maybe pull out at this point?”

“It’s not necessary,” Tessa cut in, momentarily pausing her movements. They looked at her curiously, and she laughed a little. “Do you honestly believe that Magnus Bane, the freewheeling bisexual who has had a famous string of beautiful lovers, hasn’t come up with a contraceptive? I’m hybrid warlock. It’s a potion—it will work for me. He guaranteed it.”

“Thank the Angel for Magnus,” Will breathed, which made Tessa smirk.

She quite thought that Magnus would enjoy being thanked in the midst of the most pleasure any of the three of them had ever experienced. 

She started grinding her hips into Will’s again, and she knew it was so close: his muscles were taut, his body practically begging for release. 

Tessa leaned down to Will’s ear and bit at it gently before whispering in a velvety voice, “Cum for me, William.”

He groaned her name as he obeyed, and she continued to grind her hips against his, moaning as he finished inside her. His fingers tightened around her hips and then released, and after a few moments, she leaned down and kissed him. He kissed her back just as passionately as before, knotting his fingers in her beautifully tangled hair until she moved off of him. She noticed that he was still slightly hard, and she knew he would be willing to go again if Jem wasn’t waiting, desperate but patient.

Tessa turned to look directly at Jem as she asked, “Where do you want me?”

He seemed to be having an extremely difficult time refraining from pulling her into his arms and making her cum again, but with tense limbs, he managed to keep self-control until he knew Tessa was ready.

“On the bed beside Will,” Jem murmured, although she could tell by the tone of his voice and look in his silver eyes that it was a request, not a demand.

Tessa smiled and lay down beside Will, who was still trying to restore his breathing. She was close to him—close enough that he was able to wrap one of his strong, lean arms around her shoulders. She spread her legs for Jem, hooking one of them around one of Will’s. Her shoulder was against Will’s chest, stark yet soft. Both of them were, but in different ways. Both just as exquisite. Both just as arousing. Both just as beautiful and lovely.

Jem seemed hesitant to move between her legs, and Tessa looked at him so she could see his dilated eyes when she quietly asked, “Do you not want me, Jem?”

“Of course I do, Tessa,” he responded. “It’s that I don’t want you to feel obligated to continue just because you finished off Will.”

“Jem,” she breathed, “I want you. Please.”

Tessa gently reached for him, and he gladly went into her arms. She brought him down on top of her—this silver angel of the night, beside the man who was his other half and the woman who held his heart. He was desperate for everything about her, exposed to him now as he grazed her arousal just barely. Sparks of sharp pleasure jolted through his veins, and for the first time since he had been addicted to  _ yin fen _ , he felt that there was something more powerful, deadly, and sustaining than the drug. And it was her. Her and Will.

Jem leaned down and kissed her with eager intensity, gently biting her lower lip just right before parting from her. He gripped his hard length and ran it along her slit for a moment, pausing momentarily to rub his tip against her clit. It seemed to be torturing her, but it was just as agonizingly teasing for him.

“ _ Jem— _ ” Tessa gasped, hooking her leg around his strong hip.

It put her at the perfect angle for him to slide inside her, and his heart was in his throat, captured by her angel, demon, and human blood. Tessa’s heart was fluttering behind her ribs as well, trying to break free from the cage of her bones. 

Will shifted lithely, so that he was facing them slightly, his arm still around Tessa’s shoulders. Jem leaned down so that his face was in the crook of Tessa’s neck, and her fingers fluttered into his hair, softly at first. Her hands tightened as he stopped teasing and began easing himself into her very slowly. Just as in battle, he was on an equal level of skill in sex as his  _ parabatai _ , although it was hard to compare them. All Tessa really knew was that each second felt better than the last.

She could feel Jem breathing tensely against her neck as he continued to press into her body. She tilted her hips up toward him further, getting him in deeper. He grazed an incredibly electric part of her, and she clenched her walls around him. Jem cursed in a ragged exhale and then laughed just slightly.

“Do you want me to cum right now, Tessa?” he implored rhetorically. “It’s nearly impossible not to. Don’t make it harder on me. I beg of you.”

Tessa smiled, a little smug with herself, but it didn’t last long. He pulled nearly completely out of her and slowly eased back in, once again rubbing against so many of her nerve endings that she could hardly stand it. She was flustered, just as much of a mess as she had earlier made him. Although he seemed to be in quite a euphoric disarray as well. She was so aroused by both of them, so close to her, Jem beginning to thrust into her with exquisite precision. Tessa moaned loudly, while Jem breathed out low, sexy sounds.

He leaned away from her throat, and she unlaced her fingers from his hair and gently trailed them down to his neck. His runes were like art to her—the marks on both of them were, black and spirling, even the fine, white lines of scars from past impermanent runes.

Jem didn’t kiss her; instead, he leaned close to her, looking in her eyes for an extended moment of time bundled like all the stars in the sky, which graciously agreed to replace the seconds on the clock for just one night. Tessa pulled him closer, so intimately near her that his lips lightly grazed hers every time he thrusted. The affection there was almost enough to shatter the hour hand inside her.

“You feel so good,” she moaned against his mouth.

His muscles tensed as he tried to stave off orgasm, but Tessa was persistent. She wanted him to feel as good as she did; she wanted him to be happy with her, now and forever. And since they couldn’t get eternity, or even a normal lifetime, she wanted to give him now. She moved her hips to meet his every time he thrusted into her, and it was so sensual and erotic, the way he was sliding inside her tight warmth, the way he was touching her, how he was awed by her.

Will was kissing Jem’s shoulder, moving with him easily to keep sucking at his  _ parabatai _ ’s skin. They were both so natural and talented, skilled in the art of their bodies, even better together in unison. It was bringing Jem closer to the edge, but Tessa was nearer than he was.

Her fingers and toes began curling just as Shadowhunters’ runes did against their skin, her body a curvature of design drawn out by Jem. She was gasping and moaning, arching her back up into him as her walls began flitting around his pulsating length. It was just as intense and pleasurable as before, but this time, Tessa felt it radiate from her core like the light of an angel. Both of her heavenly boys were roses and silk, the sharp edge of a blade that they would never use against her.

Tessa desperately moaned out, “ _ James— _ ”

She knew he loved the way her lips inked his name with invisible wisps along the air. She came hard around him. It was evident that he had been holding out for her—and as she had finished, added with the intense pleasure of the sensations and Tessa’s desperate moans, Jem unraveled beneath her fingertips. He groaned her name raggedly, etching it across her lips just below his as he finished inside her.

Tessa held him close for a few frameworks. Her Jem. And her Will. She needed them like the hours needed minutes, like the minutes needed seconds. After a long moment of a languorous kiss, feeding each other oxygen with the white flowers growing in their lungs, Jem eased himself out of her. He was still slightly hard, as Will was, but he moved to the other side of Tessa nonetheless. She faced Will but held Jem just as close, their naked bodies and wings torn from their backs unjustly yet still so beautifully around her. The  _ parabatai _ had their arms wrapped tightly around her, their hands intertwined on her hip.

“Please don’t leave,” Tessa said, her voice hardly even a whisper.

Jem kissed her shoulder and murmured, “We won’t.”

“We’re here for as long as you’ll allow us, Tess,” Will added.

But that wasn’t true, because she would allow them forever. And forever is what she couldn’t have. Not with them. Not with her devastating angels, marked already to leave upon her the ugliest scar of tragedy she could conceive of for herself.

And as vulnerable as they all were there, with their hearts stuttering the rhythm of the Angel’s wings, hidden somewhere far away, Tessa couldn’t stop herself from saying, “I don’t want to lose either of you.”

Will rested his forehead against hers gently. Jem knew that he was the likeliest to die first among them, and though he felt fated with these two people beside him, he thought that maybe they were only meant to be together to make a life more constrained than most worth living at all. He felt selfish for it.

“I can leave you both if that’s what you wish,” Jem murmured, his words sincere and blunt. “I can go far from here, so that there is already a severing when the bond finally snaps.”

“James—” Will began.

“We love you,” Tessa continued, turning slightly so that she could look into his starlight eyes. “I love you, Jem. I’m in love with you. If you choose to leave us, no part of me will be able to go on.”

Jem’s lashes flickered down momentarily, latching onto Tessa’s words with every one of his heartstrings. “I love you, Tessa.”

As exposed as they were in that moment, there was nothing Tessa could do to hold back the truth from them any longer. It had remained unspoken, in the misguided belief that it would soften the grief of impending loss. She had already let her whisper tattoo Jem’s skin, her love etched there with ink more eternal than any of them could ever be.

“Will,” she whispered. He remained quiet, his hanging heartbeats filling the silence. She persisted, “I love you as well. I’m in love with you. Both of you, with all of me. I will never love anyone as I love you. I just wish”—she laughed slightly bitterly—“that we weren’t so star-crossed.”

“What does it matter, Tess?” answered Will. “It doesn’t. Not at this moment, not here in the earliest hours of the morning. Because I love you, too. You know that. By the Angel, how could you not know how catastrophically in love with you I am? And Jem, too. I’m in love with you as well, James. I wouldn’t want it any other way. You are the only good that I have ever known in my life: the only good that I have experienced in the context of angelic ichor. We’re tied together with red string. I won’t ever cut it. I refuse.”

“As do I,” Jem said. “I love you, too, William.”

“So what do we do?” Tessa asked quietly.

“What do you want to do?” Will implored gently.

She didn’t even need to contemplate it. “I want to be with both of you for as long as I possibly can. I want you here in my bed, tangled around me. I want London to tie us here in this patchwork of time for as long as we may be given. If that’s what you want.”

It felt like a dream—the three of them. But it was real. They were real, angels with enough human in them to be there in the dark among one another.

“Every night for as long as we can, then?” Jem murmured with a soft smile.

“Every night for as long as we can,” Will repeated.

And so the trio of part-angels lay there together, wound around one another and clinging tight. Tessa knew that, even if they were to remain with each other for a millennium and beyond, it wouldn’t be enough. The love they felt was just human enough to not be a fairytale. But it was too strong to not come from the celestial beings resting in the sky, which all bodies were made of. 

The stardust was there. It held them; it lit them with love they could translate with the language of their radiant skin and bones. It crested over the shackles of mortality. It was more than crimson blood. It was gold.

They were gold.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> it's been quite some time since i posted. however, i read some smutty fics about herongraystairs and i couldn't resist writing my own. despite the smut, i couldn't help but get emotional. god, they love each other so much. i hope you liked this xx


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